第59章 Dealing with that which was done in the Panelled P

But the awful tempest which swept over her had her so under its dominion that she was like a branch whirled on the wings of the storm.She scarce noted that he fell,or noting it,gave it not one thought as she dashed from one end of the apartment to the other with the fierce striding of a mad woman.

"Devil!"she cried,"and cur!and for thee I blasted all the years to come!To a beast so base I gave all that an empress'self could give--all life--all love--for ever.And he comes back--shameless--to barter like a cheating huckster,because his trade goes ill,and I--I could stock his counters once again."She strode towards him,raving.

"Think you I do not know,woman's bully and poltroon,that you plot to sell yourself,because your day has come,and no woman will bid for such an outcast,saving one that you may threaten.Rise,vermin--rise,lest I kill thee!"In her blind madness she lashed him once across the face again.And he stirred not--and something in the resistless feeling of the flesh beneath the whip,and in the quiet of his lying,caused her to pause and stand panting and staring at the thing which lay before her.

For it was a Thing,and as she stood staring,with wild heaving breast,this she saw.'Twas but a thing--a thing lying inert,its fair locks outspread,its eyes rolled upward till the blue was almost lost;a purple indentation on the right temple from which there oozed a tiny thread of blood.

"There will be a way,"she had said,and yet in her most mad despair,of this way she had never thought;though strange it had been,considering her lawless past,that she had not--never of this way--never!Notwithstanding which,in one frenzied moment in which she had known naught but her delirium,her loaded whip had found it for her--the way!

And yet it being so found,and she stood staring,seeing what she had done--seeing what had befallen--'twas as if the blow had been struck not at her own temple but at her heart--a great and heavy shock,which left her bloodless,and choked,and gasping.

"What!what!"she panted."Nay!nay!nay!"and her eyes grew wide and wild.

She sank upon her knees,so shuddering that her teeth began to chatter.She pushed him and shook him by the shoulder.

"Stir!"she cried in a loud whisper."Move thee!Why dost thou lie so?Stir!"Yet he stirred not,but lay inert,only with his lips drawn back,showing his white teeth a little,as if her horrid agony made him begin to laugh.Shuddering,she drew slowly nearer,her eyes more awful than his own.Her hand crept shaking to his wrist and clutched it.There was naught astir--naught!It stole to his breast,and baring it,pressed close.That was still and moveless as his pulse;for life was ended,and a hundred mouldering years would not bring more of death.

"I have KILLED thee,"she breathed."I have KILLED thee--though Imeant it not--even hell itself doth know.Thou art a dead man--and this is the worst of all!"His hand fell heavily from hers,and she still knelt staring,such a look coming into her face as throughout her life had never been there before--for 'twas the look of a creature who,being tortured,the worst at last being reached,begins to smile at Fate.

"I have killed him!"she said,in a low,awful voice;"and he lies here--and outside people walk,and know not.But HE knows--and I--and as he lies methinks he smiles--knowing what he has done!"She crouched even lower still,the closer to behold him,and indeed it seemed his still face sneered as if defying her now to rid herself of him!'Twas as though he lay there mockingly content,saying,"Now that I lie here,'tis for YOU--for YOU to move me."She rose and stood up rigid,and all the muscles of her limbs were drawn as though she were a creature stretched upon a rack;for the horror of this which had befallen her seemed to fill the place about her,and leave her no air to breathe nor light to see.

"Now!"she cried,"if I would give way--and go mad,as I could but do,for there is naught else left--if I would but give way,that which is I--and has lived but a poor score of years--would be done with for all time.All whirls before me.'Twas I who struck the blow--and I am a woman--and I could go raving--and cry out and call them in,and point to him,and tell them how 'twas done--all!--all!"She choked,and clutched her bosom,holding its heaving down so fiercely that her nails bruised it through her habit's cloth;for she felt that she had begun to rave already,and that the waves of such a tempest were arising as,if not quelled at their first swell,would sweep her from her feet and engulf her for ever.

"That--that!"she gasped--"nay--that I swear I will not do!There was always One who hated me--and doomed and hunted me from the hour I lay 'neath my dead mother's corpse,a new-born thing.I know not whom it was--or why--or how--but 'twas so!I was made evil,and cast helpless amid evil fates,and having done the things that were ordained,and there was no escape from,I was shown noble manhood and high honour,and taught to worship,as I worship now.An angel might so love and be made higher.And at the gate of heaven a devil grins at me and plucks me back,and taunts and mires me,and I fall--on THIS!"

She stretched forth her arms in a great gesture,wherein it seemed that surely she defied earth and heaven.

"No hope--no mercy--naught but doom and hell,"she cried,"unless the thing that is tortured be the stronger.Now--unless Fate bray me small--the stronger I will be!"She looked down at the thing before her.How its stone face sneered,and even in its sneering seemed to disregard her.She knelt by it again,her blood surging through her body,which had been cold,speaking as if she would force her voice to pierce its deadened ear.